Getting Yourself Ready for the Party

There is a funny thing that happens when you're the mom throwing the party.

You think about what the children will wear. You make sure everyone has eaten. You finish the food, set the table, clean the bathroom, find the missing shoes, answer the questions and watch the clock slowly start moving faster.

And then, somewhere in there, you remember:

Oh. I have to get dressed too.

I had thought about what I would wear to my daughter's first birthday more than I probably needed to. My body feels different to me right now, and getting dressed hasn't always felt particularly easy lately. I wanted to feel beautiful, but comfortable. Like myself, even when I'm still figuring out what “myself” looks like in this season.

But more than any of that, I wanted to be with her.

We'd made it through our first year together. The sleepless nights and newborn days and all of the tiny, ordinary moments that somehow carried us from meeting each other to her first birthday.

So naturally, as guests were beginning to arrive, I was still in the bathroom changing. 😂

I closed the door, put on the outfit I'd finally chosen, did the quickest last look in the mirror, found my husband and asked, “Do I look alright?”

He said yes.

And that was that.

I walked back out and started hosting.

I've been thinking about that moment since.

Motherhood has given me plenty of reasons to put myself last. Some of them are necessary. Some of them happen so quietly I don't even notice I'm doing it.

And right now, getting dressed comes with another layer. My body feels different to me. I'm learning what I like on it, what feels comfortable, what makes me feel like myself.

But I don't want to wait until I feel completely at home in my body again to participate in my own life.

I don't want to look back at these years and realize I was always the person behind the camera, setting the table, packing the bag, making sure everyone else looked nice.

On this day, I was the mother of a little girl turning one. We'd made it through an entire year together. And even if I only had a few minutes behind a closed bathroom door to get myself ready for it, I wanted to walk back out feeling a little bit like me.

Maybe that's enough reason to get dressed.

Looking back at these little details now, I think that's what I want to remember about getting dressed in this season of motherhood.

Maybe it doesn't have to be about waiting until I feel completely at home in my body again. Maybe getting dressed can simply be one small way of remembering that I'm part of the day, too.

Not just the person packing the bags, tying the bows, setting the table and making sure everyone else has what they need.

I was there.

I was her mom.

And I wanted to feel a little bit beautiful while I celebrated the year we'd made it through together.

Collected with Care: Everything I wore for this celebration can be found here.